This is a story eight years in the making. Eight years into a five-year plan. A plan created by a couple, and adjusted by God.
I've never been good at keeping secrets.
As a little girl, I was the first one to blab. I have the worst poker face. And yet, the last 3+ years have been a series of secrets -- one after another. I'm actually surprised at my level of discretion as it relates to the growth of our family.
I have struggled to decide where this story begins. Did it start just four years ago when we (my Darling Husband (DH) and I) felt God telling us it was time to be parents?
Maybe the real beginning was more than eight years ago when we sat with the pastor who performed our wedding ceremony and he asked the question, "Do you want to have kids?" What bright-eyed, madly-in-love engaged couple doesn't envision the house with a yard and two kids running out back after the perfect little dog? It was easy to grin and say, "Of course!" But then, the follow up question... "What if you can't have them?" As we looked at each before answering the question it was as if something clicked - we knew the answer even though we'd not spent time discussing it. We knew God would be the one handling the logistics.
And yet, how many of us really let God handle the logistics as our first plan of attack? It's against human nature to let go and not try and micromanage.
We had a five-year plan. On our wedding day I was 22 and DH was 25 - there was clearly no rush to make 1 + 1 = 3. We'd spend the next five years building our careers, dreaming about the first house we would purchase, even making lists of prospective baby names for our firstborn. Surely we would need them? Right?
We now have our answer.
Our firstborn came with a name and an amazing story. "K" is her name. She turned 12 earlier this year. She's a perfect fit for our family and it's amazing how God stitched us together and gave us this desire to adopt...
How she crossed our path is a story that I often reflect on and tear up retelling. During Christmastime our church played host to the county's Heart Gallery - a series of large format photos taken of foster kids currently ready for adoption - older kids mostly - and sibling groups.
There she was - a scrawny, awkward, nine-year-old with glasses and pigtails shown brushing the mane of a miniature horse. We had completed the training to become foster parents earlier that summer, but at the time we saw her photo DH and I were planning a big move since DH accepted a promotion.
We knew we couldn't adopt her, but we took her pamphlet and began a process of praying for her. Little did we know we'd eventually be praying about her.
The promotion fell apart shortly after the first of the year 2009, but by that point God had changed our hearts. The wait to find out what God was doing had also brought about big changes in our life and we felt compelled to do an outright adoption of an older child - we instantly knew it was her.
K's photo hung on the fridge that entire time. The social worker that did our homestudy in February 2009 told us K had already been placed with an adoptive family elsewhere in the state - so we gave up the dream of adopting her and told ourselves the lie that "it was never really about *her* anyway".
Fast forward to the summer... there had been no movement by the social workers trying to match us with kids to adopt. I wasn't getting antsy, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ticked thinking the state didn't think DH and I were desirable parents.
How could they not see how ideal we were? Dual income, no kids, 3-bedroom home, Golden Retreiver... we're pretty close to perfect candidates, right?
By September we just weren't sure what God was working on... we decided to drop in unannounced to meet with the adoption coordinator who had never even met us but was supposed to match us with children?!? We told her the story of the Heart Gallery encounter, taking K's flyer, etc at which point she told us the most amazing news ... K was available, and she asked, "Do you want to be considered?"
Through this whole process we really didn't expect to have a child older than 8. We really weren't looking for children older than that milestone for some odd reason. There is such a misconception that the younger a child is the fewer problems they have - or the less amount of time they may have spent in "the system". Not true.
Our homestudy was in the hands of K's adoption team who set out to identify three to five prospective adoptive families who, on paper, seemed to suit K's needs.
After a week or so we received the call ... we made the cut. GULP!
At that point they called us in to have a "disclosure meeting" - which might as well be called the "go cross-eyed reading about this child's dysfunctions" meeting. The binder housing K's past was huge because she's been in and out of care since she was 18 months of age.
We left that meeting feeling like she was our child and we wanted to be chosen. The perma-grin had set in.
Less than a week later we got the call - they wanted us to be the ones to adopt K. The next step was actually meeting her.
Talk about blind date jitters! At the first meeting she spent most of the time playing with the foster mom's little girl, and we spent the time talking to the foster mom who's had her for almost three years.
At the end of the date she came up out of the blue and ran her fingers through my hair, telling me how pretty it was... I was in love.
The first time she called me Mommy I was too stunned to get emotional.
That is a term I've wanted to hear most of my life. Instead of my child babbling mama, mine tossed it into a sentence naturally like it's always been my name.
This method to motherhood isn't for everyone, but I feel so blessed to be chosen for this journey!
As a little girl, I was the first one to blab. I have the worst poker face. And yet, the last 3+ years have been a series of secrets -- one after another. I'm actually surprised at my level of discretion as it relates to the growth of our family.
I have struggled to decide where this story begins. Did it start just four years ago when we (my Darling Husband (DH) and I) felt God telling us it was time to be parents?
Maybe the real beginning was more than eight years ago when we sat with the pastor who performed our wedding ceremony and he asked the question, "Do you want to have kids?" What bright-eyed, madly-in-love engaged couple doesn't envision the house with a yard and two kids running out back after the perfect little dog? It was easy to grin and say, "Of course!" But then, the follow up question... "What if you can't have them?" As we looked at each before answering the question it was as if something clicked - we knew the answer even though we'd not spent time discussing it. We knew God would be the one handling the logistics.
And yet, how many of us really let God handle the logistics as our first plan of attack? It's against human nature to let go and not try and micromanage.
We had a five-year plan. On our wedding day I was 22 and DH was 25 - there was clearly no rush to make 1 + 1 = 3. We'd spend the next five years building our careers, dreaming about the first house we would purchase, even making lists of prospective baby names for our firstborn. Surely we would need them? Right?
We now have our answer.
Our firstborn came with a name and an amazing story. "K" is her name. She turned 12 earlier this year. She's a perfect fit for our family and it's amazing how God stitched us together and gave us this desire to adopt...
How she crossed our path is a story that I often reflect on and tear up retelling. During Christmastime our church played host to the county's Heart Gallery - a series of large format photos taken of foster kids currently ready for adoption - older kids mostly - and sibling groups.
There she was - a scrawny, awkward, nine-year-old with glasses and pigtails shown brushing the mane of a miniature horse. We had completed the training to become foster parents earlier that summer, but at the time we saw her photo DH and I were planning a big move since DH accepted a promotion.
We knew we couldn't adopt her, but we took her pamphlet and began a process of praying for her. Little did we know we'd eventually be praying about her.
The promotion fell apart shortly after the first of the year 2009, but by that point God had changed our hearts. The wait to find out what God was doing had also brought about big changes in our life and we felt compelled to do an outright adoption of an older child - we instantly knew it was her.
K's photo hung on the fridge that entire time. The social worker that did our homestudy in February 2009 told us K had already been placed with an adoptive family elsewhere in the state - so we gave up the dream of adopting her and told ourselves the lie that "it was never really about *her* anyway".
Fast forward to the summer... there had been no movement by the social workers trying to match us with kids to adopt. I wasn't getting antsy, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ticked thinking the state didn't think DH and I were desirable parents.
How could they not see how ideal we were? Dual income, no kids, 3-bedroom home, Golden Retreiver... we're pretty close to perfect candidates, right?
By September we just weren't sure what God was working on... we decided to drop in unannounced to meet with the adoption coordinator who had never even met us but was supposed to match us with children?!? We told her the story of the Heart Gallery encounter, taking K's flyer, etc at which point she told us the most amazing news ... K was available, and she asked, "Do you want to be considered?"
Through this whole process we really didn't expect to have a child older than 8. We really weren't looking for children older than that milestone for some odd reason. There is such a misconception that the younger a child is the fewer problems they have - or the less amount of time they may have spent in "the system". Not true.
Our homestudy was in the hands of K's adoption team who set out to identify three to five prospective adoptive families who, on paper, seemed to suit K's needs.
After a week or so we received the call ... we made the cut. GULP!
At that point they called us in to have a "disclosure meeting" - which might as well be called the "go cross-eyed reading about this child's dysfunctions" meeting. The binder housing K's past was huge because she's been in and out of care since she was 18 months of age.
We left that meeting feeling like she was our child and we wanted to be chosen. The perma-grin had set in.
Less than a week later we got the call - they wanted us to be the ones to adopt K. The next step was actually meeting her.
Talk about blind date jitters! At the first meeting she spent most of the time playing with the foster mom's little girl, and we spent the time talking to the foster mom who's had her for almost three years.
At the end of the date she came up out of the blue and ran her fingers through my hair, telling me how pretty it was... I was in love.
The first time she called me Mommy I was too stunned to get emotional.
That is a term I've wanted to hear most of my life. Instead of my child babbling mama, mine tossed it into a sentence naturally like it's always been my name.
This method to motherhood isn't for everyone, but I feel so blessed to be chosen for this journey!
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